I don't know if it's the song that's making me a tearjerk...or my hormones. whichever. I'd still feel awful even if i knew the culprit, anyway. i know this writing will help, and im not asking you to bear with my atrocities. by all means, you can hit the "BACK" button on this page and see your friend's latest photos.
~when you try your best but you don't succeed...get what you want, but not what you need.
to say that i feel "lost" can be more than an understatement. for one, it can sound like im a poser trying to win the world's understanding with my made-up rage written in songs and muddy poetry.it's nothing like that. i haven't able to gauge the depth the feeling effected on me, but really, i feel LOST. For the past months, been trying to shy away from it, thinking it's just for the weaklings. and so far, haven't been able to accept it. i know where i am...what i want...who i want to have mental intercourse with.
i KNEW. i DID.
~when you feel so tired but you can't sleep...stuck in reverse~
And now, with all honesty, I really don't know. What do I have to do? Where do I have to go? Can binge eating really be that deadly? Is the surgeon's warning on cigarette packets an advertisement of the obvious? is seawater salty because of fish sweat? I DON'T KNOW. I don't even know how to gear up my career, or bring back my vigor to create new ideas! Christ, i don't even know what makes my husband mad anymore, or what to do next weekend! I so live in the present, and it's killing me. Am i really tracking the slow lane--on the wrong direction?
~when the tears start streaming down on your face...when you lose something you can't replace...?
could it be worse?~
And for no apparent reason, I am here, as usual, infront of the glaring box, silver drops from my soul nearing to kiss my cheeks. For no apparent reason. I know there are things I can never undo, and that I just must be careful next time. There are more things I can do to rectify the wrong...to better the bad. But, why do I stand here, analyzing things, crying over spilt milk, indulging in the agony? Why can't I baffle the madness, and live like I am worth something? Or atleast, someone deems me worthy? At this point, the tears, which have been trying to defy the gravity, gave up on me. The tears are free...they left me.
~high up above or way down below...when you're too inlove to let it go...but if you'll never try, you'll never know...just what your worth's~
For once, I want to do something wrong, and not feel "i knew it" for myself. For once, I want to be able to learn from my mistakes, be not afraid in committing it...without harsh words outwitting my language.
~lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones...~
Coldplay has a really bad effect on me, huh? If you got to this part, thank you.
And I mean it.
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